Keep Going Through the Hard Times

This minisode is packed with insights about why we want the things we want, what compels us to take action, and how to incentivize ourselves to keep going through challenging times. 

We dive deep into why your WHY is crucial to achieving your goals, what gets us through the slumps or hard times, how to know if you really want your goal, our two main motivators (fear and desire), and how to thrive by creating your own rewards. 

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Music: Jason Kay 

Cover Art: Angela Spellman 

Transcript

Julie B: 0:00

Welcome to author your life, a podcast about making bold moves and big changes, living life powerfully on your own terms, outside social norms and expectations. Through conversations with inspiring individuals who forge their own path in life, we'll explore what it takes to face your fears and go after your dreams. You are not a victim of circumstance, you can always begin again, start a new chapter, and rewrite your story. This is author your life. And I'm your host, Julie B. Let's get the conversation started. Hello, friends, welcome back to another episode of offer your life. Today we are talking about the why behind the what what I mean is the what is your goal, you have a goal, something that you want to achieve, or go after or create or accomplish in your life. Today, we're going to take a deep dive into why you want the thing that you want. Because this is going to be your guiding post your lighthouse, that is going to keep you going even in the darkest and hardest of times. So let's get into it. A lot of times when people come into the gym, and they say I want to lose 20 pounds, the first thing we were taught to ask them as personal trainers is why? And then maybe they'll say, oh, so I can like fit into my clothes better. And then you want to dig a little deeper and say, Okay, well, why do you want to fit into your clothes better. And then maybe they'll say, oh, you know, so I just feel physically more comfortable. Or maybe so I have more confidence. Or maybe just I feel better in my body and I can move better throughout the day, I have more energy to chase after my kids, I want to be present for my family, I want to be a better spouse, a better parent, I want to be more energized at work, I want to get that promotion I'm going after and I need to have energy, or I want confidence. If you can get through about three or four levels of asking yourself why you want the specific thing that you want, you're actually going to be able to get down to the heart of your why. And your why is your cornerstone and your bedrock of your goal. Because when you're in the pursuit of any kind of goal, when the first part is always super exciting. It's very easy. Everything's new and fun. But then when you get into the meat of it, I think they call it the sophomore slump. It's like after the initial excitement has died down. Now the reality has sunken in of what you've actually committed yourself to. And now you have to actually do the work and there's no way around it. In those slumps, it's going to be so easy to just give up or so easy to just say you know what? I What in the world was I thinking this is not worth it? I do not want to do this anymore. In those times. You need a bedrock and your bedrock is your why when we talk about why we can also think about incentive, what's your incentive for going after this wanting to change something wanting to undertake a challenge, where's the incentive behind that? Why not just stay the same, it's much easier and much more comfortable. incentives can take two forms, they can come as a reward, or something that you're looking forward to achieving and getting, or an incentive can be a consequence or something that you're actively avoiding or don't want to happen. I'll give you an example of both. If you have a deep rooted desire to avoid having a certain fate, if that's strong and compelling enough, that can be your incentive. So for me, my wisdom teeth are compacted in the upper palate of my jaw. So I had molars taken out when I was in elementary school. And the wisdom teeth behind them have since grown in Crooked to the point where they're pressing against the teeth in front of them. And I cannot clean that area. I just physically can't can't get a toothbrush in there can't get floss in there. Nothing. And the dentist has told me that it is inevitable that the tooth is going to erode and I'm going to need surgery. Even if it is inevitable. I plan on putting that surgery off as long as humanly possible. And I'm going to do everything in my power to avoid ever having to get that surgery Right. So I am now what are flossing with a hydro floss every single night without fail, it does not matter how tired I am, it does not matter if I don't feel like getting ready for bed. I will be water flossing every single day for the rest of my life hopefully. Because the thought of having to have surgery on my mouth is so compelling to me that I'm going to do that waterfalls no matter what I feel like. I'm also oil swishing first thing in the morning with coconut oil. And this is a daily habit that I've been wanting to pick up on and off throughout the years. To be fair, I don't know how much substantial evidence there is around whether this is a worthwhile or valid, healthy habit. Supposedly, if you're using like coconut oil, you swish it around in your mouth for about 1520 minutes first thing in the morning. It's supposed to pull all the bacteria out of your mouth. So like you swish, you spit it out, you rinse your mouth, and then you move along with your life. It's not the most convenient habit, it's not the easiest thing to do to be like swishing oil for 20 minutes in the morning while you're trying to start your day, especially if someone else is around and you want to like say good morning or have a conversation. But I've been religious about this oil swishing for about a month now, almost every single morning. What has gotten me to stick with this honestly, is the threat of surgery. That's it. So if your consequences compelling enough, that could actually be enough of a driving force and a motivator for you. A lot of us are highly motivated by fear. So take a look at your life and see if there's something that you are really trying to avoid or prevent, there could be a very strong incentive hidden there for you. Or you could have a reward, the reward could be let's use fitness because I love fitness as an example. I want to go on a week long backpacking trip. And I actually am going later this year, I need to be physically fit enough to carry 5060 pounds on my back and hike X number of miles a day, up and down hills on uneven terrain that requires a certain level of fitness in order to actually go on the trip. And to feel good physically and have good time. So prior to that trip, I'm going to be training I'm going to be doing a lot of lunges, a lot of step ups, a lot of really heavy leg exercises to build up my leg strength for the hike. Now, personally, I do not enjoy really heavy leg exercises I never have. And I don't enjoy high repetitions of any kind of exercise. Because it kind of to me personally, it's kind of boring and mind numbing. Like I would so much rather just go out biking, or hiking or running or take a dance class, do Pilates or something like that, way more my speed, so much more interesting and fun. But the point is, I'm going to do the thing that I do not enjoy that I do not want to do, which is heavy leg exercises. Because my reward will be when I go on that backpacking trip, my legs will be super strong and built up and able to support the weight on my back so that I can have a really enjoyable time hiking, and I won't be sidelined by a bunch of aches and pains or a bunch of muscle soreness. That's the reward. The reward is an amazing time hiking without being sidelined by aches and pains. That's compelling enough that I will be training for that event. You could also say the same thing about running a marathon or even a half marathon or even a 5k If you're not used to it. Sure you can get up and drag yourself through a 5k without running in preparation for it. And maybe your goal is just survival. And if it is congratulations. But maybe your reward or incentive is to do it and do it with ease. And to prove to yourself that you have the ability to go out and run 5k and feel good about it and feel good afterwards and not be drained and not be sore not being mobile the next day. That requires preparation that requires the work so when You're in the messy middle, the sophomore slump. The thing that's gonna keep you going is your WHY imagining yourself on that race day crossing the finish line feeling amazing. I can imagine myself hiking on that trip, and how amazing it will feel. Imagine a life with never having to have dental surgery ever again. You can find your why. Sometimes it's right in front of you. Sometimes you have to look just a little bit deeper. So I definitely encourage you, whatever your first answer is. Ask yourself, why do I want that? Why do I want that? Pretend you're an annoying two year old. But why? But why? But why? But why? Because sometimes we're not really honest with ourselves. And we're not even sure why we want the things we want. And to be honest, sometimes you might start questioning yourself. And you might realize you don't even want the thing that you think that you want. Maybe somebody else wanted it for you, maybe your dreams and your goals aren't even your own. So it's a really valuable exercise, because then you will discover if what you really want is something that's written on your heart and soul, your personal goal and dream? Or is it something that you perhaps picked up from someone else, or subconsciously thought that you wanted to do because of messages from society or family or your friends, it's worth looking into. So the very first thing you need, when you're setting out to crush a goal is a strong incentive. In other words, your reason why it can be a fear of avoiding a consequence. Or it can be a strong, deep rooted desire to achieve a reward. One more thing about rewards, you can create your own. So if you're trying to create a daily habit, maybe you want to just say every day that I go out for a run, I'm going to let myself have a Hershey Kiss. Or I'm going to let myself call my friend and catch up on the phone. Every day that I water floss, I'm going to read for five minutes and do something that I really enjoy. Or maybe even have like a scoop of ice cream. It rewards don't always have to be food, maybe have like a lavender scented shower, or sit down for five minutes on the couch and just chill, get creative. But if there's not an immediate reward that you're seeking, you can always build in a reward for yourself. You kind of got to treat yourself like a little kid. And whenever you know, you had to do something that you didn't want to do that was good for you. Your parents would either give you a consequence or reward. The act of re parenting is actually what's going to help you thrive as an adult. Because you no longer have parents who are putting those parameters on you to get you to do what you need or want to do. You have to actually be responsible for putting those parameters on yourself if you really truly want to succeed. Thank you so much for joining this conversation. If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to leave a review a five star rating sure to hit subscribe to catch all future episodes. I would love to know who's listening and your biggest takeaway from this episode. If this podcast was valuable, please share with a friend. Take a screenshot and post to your social media. Hashtag author life podcast and tag me. It's Julie B underscore Your support helps this podcast grow. Until next time, friends. Keep writing your story and author your life